I come to revile the New York Times‘s business department. Don’t tell me to complain to them; I’ve done that, and nothing came of it beyond my getting insulted by the reps on the phone (and this is how I spent the early hours of this day, after naively trying to take up an NYT offer to resubscribe to the paper). So the true background for this posting comes from a Monty Python script: Argument Clinic / Hitting on the Head Lessons (emphasis added):
Man [who has been through arguments and abuse and is now at complaints]: I want to complain.
Complainer: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I’ve only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
Man: No, I want to complain about…
Complainer: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
And my response is captured in this REVILATION TEE ($45) from Hell and Company:
Text from the company: This tee delivers a raw message: “Death to Ignorance.” The front features fractured imagery symbolizing distorted truths, paired with the word “Revilation” as a bold call to awareness. The back erupts with a flaming skull gripping a cross, embodying the destruction of old beliefs and the rise of new perspectives. A statement of rebellion and clarity.
My NYT subscription: act 1, death. My NYT (home-delivery) subscription was up for renewal; I got a bill via USPS for $928.72 for 6 months, due 3/16/25. I called customer service to cancel on 3/8/25, on the grounds that I could no longer afford the paper (life has been difficult). At the end of the call, I was told that my subscription had been canceled; the Sunday 3/9 paper was delivered, then no more papers thereafter (as I expected).
My NYT subscription: act 2, the opportunity of resurrection. In the middle of the night this morning, e-mail came from nytimes@e.newyorktimes.com to my Stanford address — with a special offer if I resubscribed (and there was a big box labeled RESTART to click on):
Billed as $4 every four weeks for your first year, then $25 every four weeks thereafter. Cancel or pause anytime.
My previous subscription was $1,850/yr; this offer is for $50 for the first year, then $1,250/yr thereafter. So this looked like a truly good offer.
My NYT subscription: act 3, the withdrawal of grace. So I clicked RESTART and got this baffling message from https://myaccount.nytimes.com
Looks like you’re already subscribed.
Thanks for being a subscriber. Since your account is associated with an existing subscription, you’re not eligible for this offer.
I attempted to fix this through the customer care phone service, and was told repeatedly that the offer was only for new subscribers. The reps denied that I had canceled my subscription, suggesting that I was a liar and was trying to cheat the company — all this despite the RESTART box on my e-mail (not only was I not getting any newspapers, but the company’s very own software recognized, by offering resubscription, that I had no current subscription). With enormous ill grace the final rep said he would fix it; I said that the e-address had to be changed (because I might be losing my Stanford account), I very carefully gave him my gmail address, the line went silent for several minutes, then I was disconnected. And that was the end of it.
If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
I now consign the business offices of the NYT to hell. Satan, take them and fry the fuck out of them, and I will rejoice. I will get my print news weekly, in the New Yorker and the Economist, and my daily news through MSNBC.
I do worry that a good newspaper could founder on the incompetence of its business side.